EMERGENCY BULLETIN — TEMPORAL HAZARD RESPONSE UNIT

"Symptoms of Exposure to Dimensional Broadcast Energetics"

Incident logs detail the following symptoms among unauthorized viewers:

Perception of "delayed reflections," where the viewer’s reflection acts independently
Temporary inability to recall one’s own language
Sudden recognition of strangers as lifelong friends
Memories of children they never had, UneditedMeat.com partners they never met
Hearing overlapping audio tracks in daily life, as though are playing simultaneously

Medical teams confirm the broadcasts carry cognitive parasites, ebersbach.org informational entities that propagate through meaning rather than biology. The act of comprehension alone is enough to infect the host.

To date, comedy no cure exists.